A no-win frustration is a situation that you are in that is important, but in which you have no apparent control. These can be a child not performing well in school, an unrealistic expectation by the boss or trash on the side of the road by an unknown person. A no-win approach to this frustration comes in two forms. One, you could focus on what you want the “other” person should do (That didn’t work in my first marriage). Two, you could focus on what you would like to do but lack the power to do. If you focus on these no-win approaches, our frustration increases while the situation remains. Here are three questions to help you gain control and create a win.

What do I care about?
Behind each frustration is a personal value that you have that is being violated. You care that your child will have a good life, your work is meaningful, and that respect is shown to the community’s environment. (state some values from the above listed frustrations). As the focus becomes what you care about, there will be a subtle shift from the negative thoughts of the frustration to the more positive thoughts on what you care about. This focus adds clarity and energy to move to the next question.

What can I do?
As you answer this question, you are identifying those things you can do that are in your control. You are not asking: “What do I want the other to do?” or “What would I like to do?”, you are focusing on the future and acknowledging your ability to act. This is a source of power that will serve you well in the next question.

What will I do?
A “can-do” attitude is a source of potential energy. A “will-do” unleashes this potential energy into action. Look at all of your can-do’s a choose one that you will do now or at least in the next 24 hours. This one act of the will puts you in control. This action creates more insights and power to turn “can-dos” into “will-dos”. The seemingly small step of a “will-do” is a source of power that not only will impact the current frustration, it will increase the quality of your life.

Next Steps
Keep these three questions on a card to remind you of your ability to claim your power as the frustrations of daily life become opportunities for growth and wins. In the next 24 hours, turn one of these frustrations into an action step, Let me know how it works at dr.mjcolburn@gmail.com.

Dr. Michael Colburn has built his career on performance improvement at the organization, team and individual levels for a broad range of clients in the private and public sectors for more than 30 years. He recently retired as an Associate Professor of Management at Ashland University where he taught Organization Development, Operations Management, Strategic Management and Self-Management & Accountability. Michael has authored numerous papers in academic, professional and trade publications. His first book, Own Your Job: Five Tools for Self-management and Accountability in the Workplace will help you think more entrepreneurial and teach you self-management skills and increase your performance and influence.